Suprisingly

My urine results came back and the protein in my urine was twice the normal limit, so here I sit, much to the chagrin of every nurse that has been assigned to me since I was admitted. Because my blood pressures weren't off the chart and because I didn't have every tell tale sign of preeclampsia they were continually preaching that the baby would be better off in utero than out here in the cruel cruel world. Well, no shit. I get that, but can't a 37 week pregnant woman express her exhaustion with her pregnancy? Apparently not at Seton Williamson. Apparently, at Seton Williamson, if you make sarcastic comments regarding your seemingly low and normal blood pressures, and say things like, "Jeez, I wish my blood pressure was a bit higher so that I could be done with this pregnancy" you become the anti-christ. You become someone who is careless and who doesn't have any concern for your unborn child. Who hasn't met a woman in their 3rd trimester who is just over it? Oh, you haven't eh? In that case, "Hi, my name is Kelsey and I'm completely effing OVER IT"! My overbearing nurse took what I had said in sarcastic jest and passed on to my doctor her "concerns". Of course he's got to cover his ass, as I'm sure she did by reporting it, so he came in and asked if I was depressed, if I had concerns, if the hubby and I were getting along, etc., etc. Humiliating. Of course I'm not depressed...I'm ready to find out the results of my 24 hour urine collection and to know whether or not I'll be induced or sent home! He said that he understands and appreciates my knowledge, humor, and sarcasm, but to some who don't know me, or don't pick up on it, (brain dead people???) it may seem like my comments were signs of depression or lack of care for my baby. Broke my heart and infuriated me at the same time. What most people who know me know is that I don't sweat the small things with this pregnancy. I'm cautious and knowledgeable, but I refuse to be one of those people that worry themselves into a panic because things don't go just as they'd anticipated. I mean, Evan was in the NICU for 2 months, in San Antonio, and I was ALONE!!! Oh, and 19!!! I watched a kid, who wasn't supposed to make it through delivery, go through the roughest 2 months anyone I know has ever had to go through. I mean my baby was clinically paralyzed, hooked to every line and monitor, and intubated for 21 days. I'm sorry that I don't panic when my overly soft spoken nurse gives me her schpeel for the 100th time about the baby needing to be baked a little bit longer. I've been there, I've done that...I can handle what most parents of normal babies couldn't. It wouldn't be heart breakingly devastating if there were circumstances that needed medical intervention...I would be sad, and I would worry, and it would hurt my heart in ways I can't image nor express, but I would see the light at the end and I would accept that sometimes babies born a bit early need a bit of support, hence why I am delivering in a hospital with the appropriate facilities and staff and not at home in a pool. I'm not calloused nor am I uncaring, I am exactly the opposite. I am elated, that after 9 years we have been given this gift, who has thus far been absolutely perfect, and I have enjoyed almost every step of the way, which I hope you all have been able to see through this blog. I feel this tiny blessing couldn't have come at a better time, nor to a better family and if sensitive Sally, R.N. doesn't see that then that's a great loss, but one that I don't feel I need to explain to her. I feel judged and hurt, but she acted prudently, she covered her ass, but what I'll take away from this is how I read other people's words, professionally. As a nurse, I must modify my speech, vocabulary, and general demeanor to be able care for the wide range of patients that I encounter and I believe that a good nurse does just that. They look at the big picture. They care for the patient as a whole as well as their family. Holistically. This incident, while it stings, has brought home that point for me and my loved ones, which is, some people deal with their own personal struggles using various techniques, but instead of making unfounded assumptions about those struggles, I make time to investigate and use therapeutic communication to aide in the person's health and recovery. I'm over what happened and now I'm ready to move on to what's on tonight's agenda...the induction of our beautiful baby girl, Addison. We'll begin with a cervix ripening prostaglandin, called Cervadil, at or around 3:30am. Twelve hours later we'll remove it and decide if we need another application or if we need to begin a pitocin drip. My I.V. is in place and ready to be used and I've had my last meal, a salad from Freebirds, so let's get this party started! Evan and Eve are with Joan at the house resting, but will be returning in the morning to be involved in the birth of their little sister as much as they're prepared to. I'm getting nervous, remembering my induction with Evan 11 years ago, but my hopes are that because the situation is so dramatically different, that this labor and delivery will be something joyous and positive for our whole family. I have so much love and support around me and have this entire pregnancy...I'm blessed and grateful. Well, the next time I put an entry in perhaps we'll have a photo of Addison to show, besides her funny little 4D sonogram, or as Susie likes to refer to it as, her Jimmy Durante picture! She's a creep!!!