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Kelseylaney

 

 

 

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Kelseylaney

Happy Birthday Addison Wonderland!!!

I guess it was a little ambitious of me to think I could keep a blog updated, and interesting, and keep my sweet baby within my eyesight at all times.  This year has flown by, faster than any of my previous years that's for sure! I've had so much fun getting to know my little princess and remembering what it's like to play and imagine.  She's such a funny little girl. I'm impressed by her attention span and I'm almost certain that she understands everything that comes out of my mouth.  She loves a good kitchen dance party and has a fondness for Elephant Love Medley from Moulin Rouge and Today Was a Good Day by Ice Cube, lol.  The girl's got a wide range of music tastes just like her big sister, who Addy adores.  They don't look anything alike, but they are more alike than I'd ever thought two half sisters could be.  I guess that's because to me, Eve is mine, from my body just as Addy and Evan are.  She's my junior ppp and it makes me so excited to have that kind of relationship with Miss Addison.  I can only hope she loves me like Eve does!!!
We had such a good time last Saturday at Addy's first birthday party.  It was owl themed for our little night owl, whooooo loves a good party.  She played the day away with her closest friends and family.  She was dressed to the nines in a personalized cupcake tee and multicolored toole tutu with matching bows.  Her cake matched the festivities, lime green vanilla with a pastel pink vanilla frosting and shaped like her night-night owls. Her guests enjoyed chocolate and vanilla owl cupcakes, white chocolate dipped prezel sticks, pink rice crispy treats, fruits and veggies and each of her little friends adopted, and took home, their very own handmade Night-Night Owl. We also had a handmade, custom pinata made to match Addy's birthday cake and night-night owls.  I've only spent this much time and effort into one other event in my life and that was my wedding which was equally memorable and timeless!!! As labor intensive as it was it was a labor of love and I enjoyed being able to do for my sweet baby.  Reading Tori Spelling's books is probably what gave me such seemingly ambitious party ideas. Seeing in all written down it doesn't seem like all that much, but I spent a good two months planning and crafting to be sure that everything was just the way I wanted it to be and I don't mind admitting it, it really was just perfect.  Just like our sweet, sweet punky girl...

Wow!

Addybear is almost 6 months old!!! It's amazing how time flies.  It feels as though she's always been a part of us, and at the same time, like she just got here.  The last 6 months have been nothing less than amazing.  I never knew the kind of bond I would share with a daughter, but I'm so fortunate to have been given such an incredible gift!
Yesterday was Halloween and we celebrated by co-costuming with bubby, Evan.  He decided, at the last minute, that he wanted to Trick or Treat, so we decided to wrap him in kerlix like a mummy.  Addy had a black onesie with a pic of a mummy that said, "I love my mummy", so the co-costume was born.  We had several ideas for Addy's first Halloween costume like a bat, a cat napper, and a hotdog, but when Evan became a mummy so did little Addybear.  A little trick or treating and then home to watch Scared Shrekless...it was perfect. 

Josh is such a turd, he said Addy looked like a little burn victim! Creep! Oh well, we knew what she was and we loved it!!!

Wordless Wednesday: All girls wrap their hair post-bathing!

Sassy Saturday!!!

Could this girl be ANY sassier???

Happy Saturday everyone!

Little Princess

The time is flying by.  I can't tell you how many times I've cried because I know that these precious days are limited.  I love my kiddos, but I LOVE this baby stage and I know she's the last one we'll have.  I can't believe that Evan and Eve are so willing to let Addy be the center of our attention.  She's kind of the center of theirs as well.  As far as her baby milestones, she's right on track.  She's able to hold her head up for a good amount of time, look around, roll from tummy to back, track with her eyes, responds to her name, smiles back at faces, coos, blows bubbles, and sounds like a baby chewbacca.  Videos to come soon, I hope.  Look on facebook for the latest pics and videos as it's easiest for me to upload directly from my phone.  I'm still trying to stay on top of this blog, but I spend so much time cuddling and loving her little buns that I don't often get a change to get online, unless it's on facebook playing family feud...(thanks a lot Barbara for introducing me to this newest form of crack!!!).  Going to try to do wordless Wednesdays and flashback Fridays just as my girlfriend Barbara does.  We'll see how that goes, lol.  Until next time America!

She's beautiful

I look at her and melt. Still. I hope that never goes away. She's made such a difference in our lives since she's been in it...for all of us I think. Evan gets this look of complete adoration when he holds her. Today he said, "I love that my baby sister likes me". He's been such a big help with her, I couldn't ask for anything more. I feel like I say that a lot these days. Totally beats the alternative!

I need to make an online photo album for you all to view the billions of pics we've taken since she arrived. It's on my to-do list.

With baby love comes baby blues

I love her. I adore her. I couldn't imagine life without her...but there are times that she cries that I can't help but cry too. She seems to be up all night and wants to eat every hour. It must be a growth spurt and she's catching up on the weight she lost post birth. I feel like nothing more than a tap and that's starting to take its toll on me. I don't feel like I can get anything done during the day because I'm so tired from being up all hours of the night, but why am I complaining, I get to spend time with the most amazingly beautiful baby. It passes though. It's almost as though she knows when I've had my fill and that she needs to sleep and so she obliges. She's amazing in that way. I just wish my husband was here with me through out the night, every night. He's so good about picking her up and comforting her and taking care of me at the same time...he's a total blessing and I realize that I depend more on him than I ever really thought. He's more than I could have ever asked for. Anyways, just wanted to log on while she's asleep and write a quick update. She'll be up soon and it'll back to diaper changes, laundry, breastfeeding, and most importantly snuggles. Lots of soft, sweet, baby smelling snuggles...

Blast from the past!

I think this is the only pregnant picture I "allowed" Josh to take. Looking back, I kind of wish I would have let him take a few more. As much as I griped about being pregnant, there were times that I liked what I saw when I looked down at my belly. Now that she's here though, it's nice to look back and remember what I looked like while she was a part of me.

Sugarmomma...

The last few days have been so peaceful. My wonderful mother in law, who would like to be referred to as "Sugarmomma", came into town to make sure I wasn't over doing it and to help me with the baby since Josh had to return to work. It was nice just to have her company. She and Josh worked together to get things in order for our Oklahoma guests while Addy and I rested and bonded. I've had so much support throughout this whole experience. I couldn't ask for better family, friends, and husband. So blessed...

I can't believe how amazing this is...

It's been nearly 11 years since I've had a newborn to tend to. It's surreal in many ways. This experience is so vastly different than it was when I was 19 and because Evan was sick. Being able to touch, hold, hear, and just mother Addison has made such a fond fuzzy in my heart. The way this little perfect person looks and smells just gets to me. Josh says if he had a tape measure and he measured Addy it would say, "perfect in every way". I'd have to agree. She does have a couple of minor heart defects, but her cardiologist was reassuring and will monitor them both closely. I had to really fight back dark feelings when we were given the news about her murmur, feelings that I make defective babies, or that I'm the reason Evan was sick and now Addy, but I had to remind myself what a miracle life itself really is. Every single day I wake up and see her little face I am so grateful and uplifted. I wouldn't change her for the world...

Well, here's how it played out...

Without getting into every single horrid detail I labored like a champ for hours. Anesthesia was called in when I reached 5 cm, right after I received 2 doses of Fentanyl via IV...ah, yes, Fentanyl. I'm fairly certain I continued to feel my contractions, but I was able to get outside of my own head for a few short moments. At that time the Magnesium Sulfate was started and I was back in my own personal hell. It seemed as though the room's temperature increased to, what I feel like Hell's foyer must feel like. My Aunt Susie was putting rags soaked in ice water on my neck and head and that still wasn't enough to make me feel any kind of relief. Enter the Anesthesiologist...Chad. My epidural was placed, meds were bolused (pushed straight from syringe through epidural catheter) and I was good to go, or at least that was what was supposed to happen. Instead, 20 minutes later I'm feeling no relief, no tingling in my toes, nothing. Chad came back and pushed another bolus of medication and we waited. Again, nothing. With the contractions worsening we called Chad back to the room to reevaluate the epidural catheter placement and he decided to pull out the old epidural catheter and to start fresh with a new catheter being placed. He got it in and bolused meds once again. This time I feel nothing in my right leg and my first and second toe on my left side. One more push of meds should do it, right? Five minutes later everything changes. My ears are ringing, my voice sounds different to myself, then nothing is coming through, like being underwater. I began to sweat and have difficulty breathing. Thankfully the anesthesiologist was still there plus my Dr. was in the room with 2 nurses who were able to push epinephrine and thorazine and start me on oxygen. My blood pressure had dropped to 80/30!!! The baby didn't respond well to this incident and we were touch and go for a while. After I stabilized we were able to take the oxygen off and proceed with the induction. I thought I'd be able to make it through the duration of the delivery without any further complications, but I was wrong. I continued to labor until I was dilated to 8cm and having more pain than I was physically able to tolerate. My laboring seemed to stall at about 7-8cm for 3 hours or so and I couldn't imagine another 3 minutes, let alone, 3 hours so I started talking about options with my nurse who thought that talking with the anesthesiologist may be beneficial. He decided a couple of small boluses may do the trick. He knew about the hypotensive episode so I felt like I was in good hands. Unfortunately, the medications weren't working anyway so I threw in the towel...I called off the labor and opted for a c-section. Who knew there were a whole different set of risks that I needed to go over before we could proceed. Since my 2 epidurals were only partially effective the anesthesiologist though my dura may be sectioned, like the septums of an orange, and that's why I only received partial relief in certain areas. He was clear that he did not feel comfortable, or safe, doing a spinal block or using general anesthesia putting me under and that the only real option was to try to use the epidural that was currently in place to administer whatever anesthesia necessary during the operation. I agreed. I was prepped and taken to the O.R. for the cesaerean section. Josh was suited up and waited outside the O.R. until I was settled and they team was ready to begin. I don't remember everything about the c-section, but I do remember Dr. Brown lifting up the baby for me to see and thinking, "She's beautiful" and then seeing her swept away to be assessed. Her cry was soft and crackled and was the absolute most beautiful thing I'd eve heard. As those last thoughts escaped my head, my blood pressure began to bottom out again and there I was, swimming. I'd already resolved to die so when I looked over at my blood pressure and it read 78/28 I knew this was it. Luckily the anesthesiologist intervened and brought me and my vitals back to good. Theeeen, I hear Dr. Brown ordering meds stat and working vigorously beyond the big blue sheet. I asked what was going on and he said that my uterus didn't want to contract back to place but the thought they'd win. Really? All of this and I may still hemmorhage out? Jeez. Luckily, he was right and they got everything else under control rather quickly. I was in recovery shortly after where I got to see my beautiful baby girl and review the last few days with my sweet husband. It was a crazy and scary experience, but one that was unavoidable and thankfully, in the past.

From the firing lines...

It's currently 430am, Josh is lying on the pullout sofa in the hospital room...the same hospital room I've now been in for nearly 72 hours. Yesterday was another frusterating one, but some progress was made so I can't count it out. They administered the cervadil at 330 am and the contractions began shortly after. I thought i'd surely made some cervical change, but at 1pm when my doctor came in to check I had only dilated to a 1 or 2. My contractions kept coming at 2-3 minute intervals, which backed my doctor off of administering a 2nd round of cervadil, but stopped me from eating, walking, or showering. The plan was now to begin a pitocin drip at 4am and here we are. I've already had a few minor contractions since this started and I have to admit this is the part of labor/inducement that I've dreaded for years...the pitocin drip. I hope this plays out better than I recall 11 years ago...more updates as I can.

Suprisingly

My urine results came back and the protein in my urine was twice the normal limit, so here I sit, much to the chagrin of every nurse that has been assigned to me since I was admitted. Because my blood pressures weren't off the chart and because I didn't have every tell tale sign of preeclampsia they were continually preaching that the baby would be better off in utero than out here in the cruel cruel world. Well, no shit. I get that, but can't a 37 week pregnant woman express her exhaustion with her pregnancy? Apparently not at Seton Williamson. Apparently, at Seton Williamson, if you make sarcastic comments regarding your seemingly low and normal blood pressures, and say things like, "Jeez, I wish my blood pressure was a bit higher so that I could be done with this pregnancy" you become the anti-christ. You become someone who is careless and who doesn't have any concern for your unborn child. Who hasn't met a woman in their 3rd trimester who is just over it? Oh, you haven't eh? In that case, "Hi, my name is Kelsey and I'm completely effing OVER IT"! My overbearing nurse took what I had said in sarcastic jest and passed on to my doctor her "concerns". Of course he's got to cover his ass, as I'm sure she did by reporting it, so he came in and asked if I was depressed, if I had concerns, if the hubby and I were getting along, etc., etc. Humiliating. Of course I'm not depressed...I'm ready to find out the results of my 24 hour urine collection and to know whether or not I'll be induced or sent home! He said that he understands and appreciates my knowledge, humor, and sarcasm, but to some who don't know me, or don't pick up on it, (brain dead people???) it may seem like my comments were signs of depression or lack of care for my baby. Broke my heart and infuriated me at the same time. What most people who know me know is that I don't sweat the small things with this pregnancy. I'm cautious and knowledgeable, but I refuse to be one of those people that worry themselves into a panic because things don't go just as they'd anticipated. I mean, Evan was in the NICU for 2 months, in San Antonio, and I was ALONE!!! Oh, and 19!!! I watched a kid, who wasn't supposed to make it through delivery, go through the roughest 2 months anyone I know has ever had to go through. I mean my baby was clinically paralyzed, hooked to every line and monitor, and intubated for 21 days. I'm sorry that I don't panic when my overly soft spoken nurse gives me her schpeel for the 100th time about the baby needing to be baked a little bit longer. I've been there, I've done that...I can handle what most parents of normal babies couldn't. It wouldn't be heart breakingly devastating if there were circumstances that needed medical intervention...I would be sad, and I would worry, and it would hurt my heart in ways I can't image nor express, but I would see the light at the end and I would accept that sometimes babies born a bit early need a bit of support, hence why I am delivering in a hospital with the appropriate facilities and staff and not at home in a pool. I'm not calloused nor am I uncaring, I am exactly the opposite. I am elated, that after 9 years we have been given this gift, who has thus far been absolutely perfect, and I have enjoyed almost every step of the way, which I hope you all have been able to see through this blog. I feel this tiny blessing couldn't have come at a better time, nor to a better family and if sensitive Sally, R.N. doesn't see that then that's a great loss, but one that I don't feel I need to explain to her. I feel judged and hurt, but she acted prudently, she covered her ass, but what I'll take away from this is how I read other people's words, professionally. As a nurse, I must modify my speech, vocabulary, and general demeanor to be able care for the wide range of patients that I encounter and I believe that a good nurse does just that. They look at the big picture. They care for the patient as a whole as well as their family. Holistically. This incident, while it stings, has brought home that point for me and my loved ones, which is, some people deal with their own personal struggles using various techniques, but instead of making unfounded assumptions about those struggles, I make time to investigate and use therapeutic communication to aide in the person's health and recovery. I'm over what happened and now I'm ready to move on to what's on tonight's agenda...the induction of our beautiful baby girl, Addison. We'll begin with a cervix ripening prostaglandin, called Cervadil, at or around 3:30am. Twelve hours later we'll remove it and decide if we need another application or if we need to begin a pitocin drip. My I.V. is in place and ready to be used and I've had my last meal, a salad from Freebirds, so let's get this party started! Evan and Eve are with Joan at the house resting, but will be returning in the morning to be involved in the birth of their little sister as much as they're prepared to. I'm getting nervous, remembering my induction with Evan 11 years ago, but my hopes are that because the situation is so dramatically different, that this labor and delivery will be something joyous and positive for our whole family. I have so much love and support around me and have this entire pregnancy...I'm blessed and grateful. Well, the next time I put an entry in perhaps we'll have a photo of Addison to show, besides her funny little 4D sonogram, or as Susie likes to refer to it as, her Jimmy Durante picture! She's a creep!!!

Well, at least I got a test run...

So, yesterday morning we had a follow appointment with my OB from the previous Wednesday. My urine had trace protein, for the first time, and my BP was elevated, which went right along nicely with my giant puffy feet, ankles, legs, and hands. I'm sure most of you saw the picture on facebook...tree trunks. Anyways, our 8 am appointment yesterday went much differently than I anticipated. My blood pressure was elevated and instead of trace protein in my urine I now have +1 protein. So while I laid there waiting to hear from my doctor, my friend Crystal, who is the office manager, came in and said, "You're being admitted"...oh my God!!! Wasn't sure what to think or to expect, but my doctor came in an gave us the low down. He wanted me to come in and be evaluated for 24 hours to monitor how much protein is, in fact, in my urine and to ensure I'm being hydrated, staying off my feet, and eating right. So, off we went. Phone calls to the moms were made...Josh's mom decided to come in from Victoria to be with Evan for the night, and Susie came to the hospital to be with me over night while Josh had to go to work. So, here we are, doing the urine collection. My blood pressures have been stable, but my urine had red blood cells, white blood cells, and protein in it, so that's my only hope for an induction. The 24 hour urine ends at 10:30 and then it'll be sent to the lab for a total protein count and THEN my doctor will be here to weigh in on what the plan is. Today, we are 37 weeks and 3 days and if it doesn't happen today it'll happen soon enough. I'm done worrying about it. I'm not going to worry about money, or work, or anything...I'm just going to enjoy these last few hours, days, or weeks. Wish me luck though! I'd really like to meet my baby head though...

Bedrest...oy vay

So, yesterday we had our weekly OB visit with Dr. Brown. I can't say that I'm pleased with the way things turned out. I was a little emotional once we were roomed, probably because I knew I would be having my cervix checked as well as my strep B swab cultures done. Got a little teary and before I could suck it up the medical assistant was there to check my BP. They use an electronic cuff, which isn't the most reliable, but the reading was 166/88 which is well over what's normal for me. She told me she'd come back and recheck it in a few minutes, when I was calmer. Twenty minutes later she returned and rechecked it...138/86. Still high. Grrr. Well, after the exam Dr. Brown advised that I go on bed rest until Monday morning when he could recheck my BP and get my lab results back. Not really what I wanted to hear, but at least there was no protein in my urine and my BP lowered with rest...no preeclampsia. He did say that we could be induced early, but that I would have to have an amniocentesis that showed lung maturity first. I'm 36 weeks and 5 days today and 38 weeks seems like light years away. That's going to be my cut off point. If I haven't gone into spontaneous labor by then I will agree to the amnio and get the show on the road. There's no way I want to deliver a 9 lb baby. There are too many risks associated with it.  So, that's where we are. I am going to see patients today and tomorrow and then reevaluate whether or not I feel like I can work this weekend. It's a light load and I can put my feet up between visits. I sure wish I had maternity leave at this point, but being a home health nurse I am going to have to deal with this the best way that I can. Back to bed for this girl...doctor's orders...

The feeding frenzy has subsided...for now anyways...

I've been, as of late, the hungriest hippo you've ever met. Starving, like those kids in the feed the children commercials, minus the flies, the distended bellies, and general impoverished conditions...so, basically nothing like that at all. I'm just saying I could eat a meal at 7 and go back for the next 2 hours later. That generally isn't my style, so thankfully the rumbling has subsided. I'm glad though since Monday we have our growth scan...need to quit fattening my little creep up!  I'm looking forward to getting a rough estimate of her weight though. I can't wait to see her little face. Sometimes I'll look at Josh sleeping and really look at his features and mix and match them with mine to see what I can come up with. It's not very cute, but it's fun, lol. Anyways, just a quick status update before the nightly nesting commences...oh how i'd love to just sleep...better get used to it. Night!

What now?

Soooo...I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing at this point in the game. The nursery is done, the layette is complete, everything is falling in place, but where is this kid. Officially, I've got 4 weeks left until we are 40 weeks, but jeeezzzz...the whole pregnancy went by fairly quickly, but it seems we are at a standstill. Josh thinks I should rest and sleep as much as possible, but my hips are so out of whack that it hurts no matter what position I'm in. I still have a few sewing projects to work on, but my sewing machine is in my bedroom and that's where Josh sleeps during the day and Evan has been sleeping when he's at work, so there isn't a lot of time to get in there and get working. Laundry always keeps me busy, I mean where does it all come from? Blah. I guess I'll just keep plugging away at little projects around the house. My laundry room is the only room in the house that hasn't been painted or changed since we bought it so perhaps I'll throw some paint on the walls and get it organized. That doesn't sound like fun at all...
I'd rather just eat cereal...
DEAL!

Oh, my swollen feet...

I think I see stretch marks on the ol' feet today. Not really, but I think if that were a possibility I'd have a few. Anyways, here we are, at week 35 and some change, and I am getting anxious. We had an appointment last Wednesday and my OB requested we see a perinatologist for a growth scan, as he feels my uterus is measuring the size of a 39 week pregnant woman. I'll have that appointment on Monday, April 26th and then followup with my OB the 28th. Let's hope he miscalculated. I'd really prefer a baby on the smaller end of the spectrum, but it's too late for that now. I've been spending the nights that Josh is at work washing and hanging all of Addison's newborn to 3 month sized clothes. We really have some cute stuff. Last night at Target I found the cutest romper! It's green and white striped with a big doe-eyed pea holding up his first two fingers that says, "give peas a chance"...so adorable! Not very girly, but sometimes the witty stuff can't be passed up!  So, what else? Oh, Rachel, Emma, and Gavin came by to visit today. We got the cutest picture of Gavin riding one of our boston terrier hippos in the front. He was so cute holding on to the hippo's ears really riding him!  Such a cute bebe. Anyways, Rachel dropped off more goodies for Addy, which is always appreciated, and we talked diapers and breastfeeding...ya know, mommy stuff.  During our conversation we had a couple of always-welcome unannounced visitors, Andy and Laylia!  They came to Austin from Victoria to see a movie and we ended up catching dinner. It was a good time. Sadly, Josh is getting ready for work so I've got sign off so I can spend some hubby time. Catch up soon.

I know, I know...

I'm so neglectful. Here we are at the end of this journey and I seem to have fallen off of the blogger's wagon. I need to get back into the habit because Addison will be here before we know it and I need to keep everyone posted...not to mention I need an archive of things past. We have been working vigourously on the nursery, just trying to get it baby-ready, and I think we've gotten to that point. If you're on facebook, you've already seen these pics, but for those of you who aren't here's a few shots...

This is her little lamp...

This is her wardrobe we refinished...love this.

This is her crib with all of her little birds...

Anyways, I think we are ready to have this baby. We're about 34 1/2 weeks along and I'll be ready for an induction at 38 weeks. We plan to deliver at Seton Williamson. It's so exciting, but I have to say, I'm really over the swollen feet and hands and the alien-inside feelings. I'd love to be one of the women who adore the "miracle of pregnancy", but let's just say it's like nature's birth control for me. The end result is what I'm in this for. So, before I forget, we finally announced baby Addison's middle name. She will be Addison Marie Hairell, named after her "Lola", or Aunt Susie, and her "Momo", or Josh's mommy. We announced it this weekend at our baby shower in front of both of the honored ladies. Before I forget, I need to say that Rachel did an amazing job of putting together our shower. From the super cute invites, to the bird nest cakes, she didn't leave any detail to chance. She's pretty rad. We didn't have quite the turn out that we expected, but that's ok because I got to spend some much needed time with Barbara and baby Campbell as well as my sweet family. Being around the few that were there made me really reflect about what's real and important in our lives, as well as our new addition's. We came home from the shower and started putting things up and away in the nursery and it just feels so much more complete. It was too funny to see Evan get out the bumbo seat that Stephanie got us and sit in it. He's so tiny that he fit! LOL!!! Anyways, I'll try to be more consistent with the updates...wish me luck if you don't hear from me soon!!!

Wow, I'm a neglectful blogger...

Sorry guys! Apparently, I've been way too self absorbed with my sciatica and fatigue to keep up with our blog. I'll try to be more on top of things. No promises. Anyways, today was the big day. We are officially having a little girl!!! Now for the painful part of naming this little princess potty pants. I'm not sure, but I think we are over Piper and have a new sparked interest in the name Addison. Only time will tell. We went on a shopping spree with aunt Susie today and got some seriously cute sleepers and outfits. I can't believe how much cuteness there is out there for little pootie butts!!! I'm in love. With the whole idea of having a sweet faced little girl running around, and I think Eve is too. She told us today that when she's 16 she's going to "take the baby off of our hands" and that she's starting a "Piper fund" so that she'll be able to take the baby out shopping. Little fashionista!!! She's gonna be a tough act to follow. She may not be mine by birth, but damnit, in spirit she sure is! Anyways, the transformation of our house has begun. We've moved furniture out of the present-den and future-nursery and moved it into our room which is now been dubbed, "Kelsey's Apartment"! There's a chaise lounge, coffee table and side lamp to be used as a breast feeding/pumping station and an armoire with tv and vintage video game consoles (i.e. xbox and nintendo 64, lol) as well as our bed...it's like I never have to leave!!! I just need a tiny fridge and hot plate!!! Evan slept in my apartment last night on the chaise. What a creep. He was a bit bummed today when we got the news of our little girl...he kept saying he wants a baby brother...the thing is, is that he's having a baby brother too from his daddy and stepmom! After I said that like 10 times he was back on board with the "baby seester" stuff. He's going to be an amazing big brother though. While we layed in bed last night, watching a documentary on proteus syndrome (elephant man syndrome) he turned to me and said, "You know I'm going to be a really good big brother, don't you? I say some crazy things, but I'm going to be really good with this baby". Amazing. Ya know, today could have gone either way...pink or blue, but there's no possible way things could get any better than they already are. We have such a great little family...

Well, I did it...

I changed doctors. I've had all I can take of my ob saying one thing and then not following through. So, no, we aren't finding out the baby's sex tomorrow. I'm bummed, but the new ob will do a sonogram with every visit. It's worth the change. I'm much more comfortable with this change, so wish us luck. My first appt is Monday the 30th. Updates to come!

13 weeks

It's finally here. I feel like this pregnancy is moving so slowly. We found out we were pregnant too early! I'm feeling pretty well these days. No nausea or morning sickness, but I never did have any of that. I am dealing with back aches and pain, but it's to be expected with the increase of the hormone relaxin which is to help relax joints and cartilage and prepare my body for birth. I just need to continue to do back strengthening exercises. So far I haven't put on any weight, thankfully, I've actually dropped a few. I've been going to bed at a more human time and getting up earlier, but I have nights like this occasionally where I can't sleep. I have Christmas on the brain. I always wish I had more to give. It'll be a great holiday season though. My nephew, Gavin, will have his first birthday party on the 21st to kick things off, so that's super exciting. I can't believe he's already a year old...it just shows how fast time flies. It's sad how much can be missed in such a short amount of time. I wish all of our family lived closer. I wonder when my grandmother in Oklahoma will be able to meet this little parasite after she's born...makes me crazy. If I was rich I could fly her down. If only. Anyways, I'm not sure if we will be able to contain our desire to shop the clearance racks over the next few weeks until we find out the sex on the 25th. I found a creeper at Target today on the clearance rack that I HAD to buy. I don't know what it is about owls, but they're everywhere, and they're super cute! Its navy blue, but it has girlie sleeves, and there's an owl on the front and it says, "I'm a hoot, just like mommy"! Cutest thing EVER!!! It was $2.00, I couldn't resist, so it has to be a girl!!! Anyways, I'm not going to be sad either way, as long as this baby is healthy. I don't want to go through what I did with little Evan. Well, just a quick update on this kiddo. Thanks for the continued prayers and well wishes.

Yesterday's OB appt

We had a follow-up sonogram to see how the perigestational hemorrhage is and we finally got some news that lets me breathe easy. The area is now about 1cm x 1cm and the baby looks great. We saw arms and legs and a cute little belly and the part was she looked like she was dancing! She had her arms up by her head, in true "YMCA" fashion. Evan came with us and was excited to see the baby and hear its heartbeat. Now we are on the normal once a month visit schedule! Hip hop hooray ho hay ho! Lol. We are finding out the sex 11-25-09! So exciting!!! Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes.

I have so many things to be grateful for...

It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day, or lost in the past, in the "what might have beens", but I find it more difficult to just enjoy my blessings and see them for what they are. I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who gives of himself 100% everyday. A son and daughter who are just amazing kids with thoughtful hearts and who think with reason. An amazing family who stands by my side, accepts me for me, and loves us all unconditionally. If I were to make a list of all the rotten "it's not fairs" I could be here all day, but what I do know is that with all the little things I take for granted I have enough happy to be just that...happy...with where I am, who I'm with, and what lays ahead. I wish my Daddy could see me now, see what I've become, in spite of it all, but maybe he does and that's one more thing to be grateful for...

Today was a good day...

I went into today with an unsure feeling about how things would go. Josh's mom was with us when we went to see the OBGYN so that helped relax me a little. Our sonographer was the sonographer that found Evan's diaphragmatic hernia! He remembered us. He said it was strange...he saw us one day and helped diagnose Evan and the next day there was another couple with a CDH baby and then he didn't see another for 6 years. Amazing. Anyways, I wanted to hug his neck. So, on to Hairy. The clot, they are calling a perigestational hemorrhage, and not a subchorionic hematoma, but has decreased in size, the baby's heart rate was 173, and we were even able to hear the heart beat today!!! It was a really good visit, thankfully. After the doctors appointment we all headed to babies r us and picked up some unisex onesies and blankets. Totally fun. Laylia bought us our first piece of the monkey layette!!! So fun! Thanks for all of the prayers guys!!! We go back in 2 weeks.

Ready for Friday...

We have another sonogram scheduled for Friday afternoon to see how the subchorionic hematoma is. I'm hopeful that it has decreased in size or fully absorbed itself back into my uterine lining. I'm just ready to see the baby's heart beat again...make sure she's still in there truckin' right along. I've sort of put things on hold, mainly because I've been on modified bed rest and haven't wanted to over exert myself or stress the baby, but also because of the possibility of miscarriage. We're getting close to being "out of the woods", so Friday will hopefully give us some peace and a green light to go ahead with our painting and planning and such. We'll let you know. Keep us in your thoughts!

We are an amazing team!!!

So it was about 4:30 a.m. when my sweet husband woke me up with, "Honey, I'm sorry to wake you, but we don't have any hot water". Shit! Three months past our 2 year home warranty!!! Wouldn't you know it. So, Josh took a cold shower and was off to clinicals. I slept in until 10, (I love my life) and washed my hair in the sink and off to work I went. A few patients later I was back at home tearing the water heater apart to find that the upper thermostat had burnt itself up! Scary!!! I think Josh and I freaked a little bit when we saw it, but after researching it we found that the problem was probably from electrical arcing...and just a replacement thermostat is all we needed. A trip to home depot and $15 later we were back home to make it happen. I drained the hot water heater all by myself and Josh installed the new wiring and thermostat. My hero! Thankfully, 45 minutes later we had hot water again. Just another example of what an incredible team we make...

A one in 365 chance!

So, we just got some really exciting news about some friends of ours! Evan's dad, Brooks, and his wife, Monica, are pregnant!!! We are so excited to be sharing this experience with them! Are you ready for the kicker? Monica had her first sonogram today and found out she's 7 weeks and that her estimated due date is May 22, 2010! That's our due date! Poor Evan. His birthday is May 21st! He'll never have a moments peace! Bless him. Anyways, we love you Brooks and Monica! Congratulations!

Spoke a bit too soon...

I wrote that post in the waiting room of the OB's office in between the sonogram and the office visit. I finally did get my OB appointment, with exam and labs and such, but not without some more unsettling news. The fluid around the baby's sac has doubled in volume. We have another appointment in 2 weeks for another sonogram and exam and if the fluid hasn't decreased I will have to be put on bed rest. I'm not sure how I am going to be able to swing bed rest. Josh still has 3 months of nursing school left and I'm the only one working at the present time...it just doesn't end. I've been given strict orders to lay low...no exercise and no nooky. That's sort of funny...it's not like that's happening anyway, much to Josh's displeasure, lol. Anyways, those of you who are spiritual, give us a prayer or two, or thousand. This is a crucial time for little Hairy. Think of us...

Estimated due date May 22, 2010

Evan is gonna shit! He'll be sooooo mad if this baby steals his birthday on the 21st. Omg. Well, today we saw our 2nd sonogram. Apparently the baby's heartbeat was a little slow at our last visit so we were brought in again today to see if it had come up. Well it went from 105 to 148! We're good!!! The baby is 0.891cm and we are approx 6 weeks and 6 days!!! Now I can breathe again. Hopefully we will have normal monthly visits now and this can feel like it's supposed to. Now for Kim Phung! Hoy ya!!!

Hellboy?

So last night I had dreams that our baby had HORNS!!! In the sonogram pictures it started out as a lump over his eye. In the next image he had full on horns, lol!!! Laura said, "like longhorns", nope, more like hellboy horns, or like Frank from Donnie Darko. So weird. I told Josh and he just laughed. The good news is when he was born he was hornless...just some weird visible energy from the baby's head. Don't worry, I don't think of this as foreshadowing of a sign of what's to come...I just think it's bizarre. Could be cute though, right?

It's been a slow week

I'm trying to keep my head up and stay focused on having a healthy pregnancy, but sometimes things get to me and I start over analyzing every detail. I feel a little overwhelmed by the way our OB appointment went last Friday and being asked to come back this Friday isn't helping to smoothe any of my fears out, but I can't live in my head like this. I still have a family to take care of and this way of thinking isn't helping any of us. So, I keep getting emails about what's happening with the baby this week and it drives me bonkers! First, because I know the day we conceived (aug 26th), and second, because each site says something different. So per the calendar I'm 5 weeks, but last friday the OB said 5 weeks and 6 days. Ugh. Which is it guys? Huh? We'll find out soon enough I suppose. Friday is fast approaching!

Naps at 5pm

Who does that? Oh yeah, we do! Not really conducive for sleeping through the night, but it was such a long day! Evan had his first baseball game of the season. He played 3rd and pitched. Fun stuff! Oh, and we got paint for our bedroom! I'm so excited to get it up on the wall! Who's in?

Finally finished one!

Put the finishing touches on a diaper tonight! Sooooo cute! Mom and Pop bought the baby the cutest little skeleton onesies, of course we picked them out, and also a giraffe jumper! Its supposed to be a halloween costume, but MY baby likes to dress up all year! It's so cute. Gotta go rest. Updates soon.

Hairy, meet world, world, meet Hairy

Here is our little parasite! She even has a heart beat! We have to go back next week to ensure proper growth, but everything seems to be ok as of now. Looks like there may be some implantation bleeding, but we were told not to worry about that. So, we'll let you know what happens at next weeks appointment!

Today's the day!

Today is our first sonogram of Hairy, our baby parasite. Mom and Pop Hairell are coming in from Victoria to be with us on this exciting day...Susie would be here too if she wasn't off galavanting in New England, watching the leaves change...I'm so jealous!!! So, I'm nervously excited. I'm keeping a positive outlook while I'm pregnant because even though I know what it's like to have a pregnancy with complications, this isn't going to be like that. Congenital not genetic is what I keep telling myself...over and over. I have a lot of faith in my OB and her staff. They spotted Evan's congenital diaphragmatic hernia at 20 weeks gestation and without that catch, Evan wouldn't have made it through delivery in any of the Austin hospitals, so for me, they have all of my faith. I'm not sure if we will be able to see the baby's heartbeat or if we will just be seeing her little yolk sac and where it's positioned within the uterus. I haven't had any uterine cramping or bloody show so I'm not concerned with an ectopic pregnancy, but there's always a chance. I think human life is miracle. Out of all that goes on in such a short period of time it's a miracle that any child comes out healthy and "perfect". It really is. I can't help but get caught up in medical mysteries shows on TLC and Discovery Health. Some of the conditions they talk about are a 1 in 50,000,000 chance. It amazes me. Life is a gift. I'm just convinced of it. I need to sleep, but all who read this and keep up with us, please think of us and keep us close to your hearts today. Updates, with anticipated due date, to come!

I can't believe I have such wonderful people in my life!

Laylia, you're a beast! I don't know anyone else who would spend 4 hours on making a cloth diaper prototype! You're my hero!

Big Brother Ebaneezer...

What other big brother in the universe has sewn their new baby brother or sister their first hat? What a kid...he's pretty amazing...

My crazy best friend...

She is probably THE most superstitious person I have ever met. Damn science and it's proven hypotheses! As soon as we found out we were pregnant she consulted the "never wrong" Chinese lunar calender and she's decided we are going to have a little girl. She and her family swear by this calender and state that in over 10 years it's never been wrong, so I'll raise my glass to that! Bora, I hope it's right! I'd love to have a sweet little girl!!! I'm exhausted. Oh, and the diaper directions are for my sweetest future sister-in-law, who has decided to join me on my cloth diaper journey. She's my greatest supporter of the things most people generally scoff at...and Andy bear is a secret supporter because he bought her a new sewing machine to aide her in her endeavors! I really do have a beautiful family and set of friends. Thanks guys!

These are the instructions to sewing your own all-in-one cloth diapers

Fold a piece of newspaper in half and cut out or trace half of a disposable "shaped" diaper.












Unfolded pattern











Take pattern and pin to 2 layers of fabric of your choice. I have been using flannel, as I've heard it has good absorbency. Leave about 1/4 inch of fabric overhanging the pattern.











Use the pattern to cut out waterproof fabric of your choice. This is an unused ikea shower curtain I had.

On the bottom of this stack put your 2 layers of flannel, then the waterproof layer, then take a prefold cloth diaper and lay on top of stack, fold excess or overhang up toward the center of the diaper. Pin it on 4 sides.











Trim prefold overhang.











Sew along the edges of the "stack", leaving the bottom open. Don't forget to backstitch to keep stitches from coming undone. When you've sewn all edges, excluding the bottom, fold the diaper in half and with a yellow highlighter make where the elastic will go.










This is where I'll start and end elastic band.













You'll do the same for the leg elastic...













Notice the slight yellow marks...













Using a zigzag stitch, pull elastic taught, and stitch in elastic.












Here you can see the elastic sewn in the back...













All elastic in...


















To turn inside out, go in between the flannel layers...

After the diaper has been turned inside out and there are no open areas that need to be re-stitched you'll want to close up the front of the diaper by folding each piece inward and pinning. Backstitching is very important here...stitch it closed...

Use velcro, or snaps, or whatever closing device you wish, and there you have it...an all-in-one cloth diaper...Way to go ROCKSTAR, you just saved yourself about $16!!!

Why didn't I just have it pulled???

I went and saw my dentist today, freakin masochist...I had part 1 of 3 in my root canal series. Talk about murder. I had 5 shots before I was numb enough to let him continue...it was excruciating. I cried like a baby, I swear his staff was just like, I'm so freaking sure, lol...had a blanket and everything! I'm actually looking forward to the relief I'm going to feel. The pain has gotten worse and worse every day, so here's to the pain stopping! We have our first OB appointment this Friday at 11. Josh and his parents are going to make the trip with me. I'm really concerned about the appointment all together. I just want everything to be ok and I want to see what should be seen on a sonogram at just 4 weeks gestation. I'm not going to stress about it, but I do think of it often. Anyways, just a quick update. Gonna go nap...I'm just pooped...

Growing Titty Tats

Thought this was too cute...Chopper P. Popper in the flowerbed this evening...

It's a little less chaotic here now...

Well, we got an email this morning about the ferrets that we listed on craigslist. Nice couple who had been ferret owners in the past, etc. After a few emails I found out that the couple have a Boston Terrier and have been thinking about a puppy for sometime. Well, of course, when I told them that we had Tinkles, the 4 month old Boston Terrier pup they were super excited. It was almost as fate had brought them to us. He is a firefighter and she is a teacher...really sweet couple. They left here with 2 ferrets and a baby Boston and we are left with Dozer Jenkins, Friday McGillacutty, and Mootsy Poots Malaer. Almost a normal sized puppy family, lol. Oh, and a kid that dresses up in dog clothes...

TALK ABOUT BIG GAY AL!!!

Trying my hand at...

Reading up on all the different cloth diapering products, I've come to the conclusion that, there are too many to chose from and that the cloth diapering world has their own lingo. With the limited selection of product at two of the most popular baby outfitters in town I went online to see what I could find. It seems as though the all-in-one cloth diapers are the closest to the disposables most of America uses. The baby does their business, I rinse, then wash...the soaker is sewn right into the diaper, there is nothing to add, unless extra absorption is needed. The all-in-ones they sell range from $12-$25 a piece...quite an investment, but in the end they save more than a few dollars, they help to save this environment. While looking at the various brands, Josh leans over and says, "You could make that", which got my wheels turning. After a few searches I was sold. A few venturesome mommies have had the same curiosities as I apparently and made blog entries that detail how to begin the endeavor. Common household fabrics are used and with a little bit of curiosity, and a sewing machine, you are in business. I picked up about $12 worth of yellow flannel, and mint green fleece and was on my way...Here's what the end product looks like...

So, after the $12 we spent on the fabric, so far, we have about $100 worth of all-in-one cloth diapers! How awesome is that. Gives me something to do too. I'm in!!!

Way to go Kelsey!

Apparently, I have this very special talent, a gift you might say, for putting my foot in my mouth. Not just putting it in there, but lodging it deep into my trachea making it difficult to breathe at times. Elaboration on my latest snack won't do anything but make me cry AGAIN, but I will say that things don't quite roll off me like they normally do. Sarcasm doesn't always translate via text messaging and sometimes what you meant to say in dryness comes across in a way that you'd never dream it would be taken or you probably wouldn't have ever said it. So that's where I am. A big, pregnant, emotional mess with a size 8 crammed down my throat. What should be chocked up to a misunderstanding is now twisting its way under my skin, through my jaw, and down to my heart. Pregnancy is NEATO!!!

Registries

We went and had lunch today with the future Mr. and Mrs. Bustos...good times right there! They bought hairy the cutest boston terrier shirt ever! Thanks guys! After our super filling Chuy's lunch, Josh, Eve, and I went over to Babies R Us to look around and add to our registry. I was so disappointed at their cloth diaper selections. It's no wonder why so many people use disposable diapers...it's what's advertised and what's available. So frustrating! Anyways, it's hard to register for a baby without a sex! Cute stuff though. We put a few things on the registry and headed over to target to see if we would have any more luck looking for cloth diapering stuff. No dice. Barbara has given us our greatest resource thus far. Looks like online is the way to go. All in all it was a nice and productive day. Tiring though. Ready to kick back and lounge with the fam.

Blood Pressure and Blood Sugar

Well, obviously I am at a higher risk for gestational diabetes and possible preeclampsia just because I am overweight. The risks with both conditions are profound and it's in my hands to be sure to monitor and keep my numbers within normal limits or within an acceptable range. I tend to check my blood sugar once a week, so that trend I plan on continuing. My fasting blood sugars generally run 80-95, with an exception of the 116mg/dl reading I got last weekend after not being able to sleep and snacking on half of a chocolate chip muffin Josh couldn't refrain from making, lol. Normal fasting blood sugar range is between 70-120mg/dl so I'm right where I need to be for now. I have to fight those cravings. My blood pressure, on the other hand, is something that may be a little bit more tricky. There was a moment in time when my blood pressure was 138/90 ish, but that seemed to be an isolated incident. I plan on logging my blood pressure daily and noting and changes or trends. I'm not keeping a food journal, I find that a bit tedious, but I am aware of what I am eating and am reading labels and watching my intake and output. I am having some trouble meeting my fruit and veggie requirements, but I am going to do what I can to supplement with low sodium vegetable juice blends and a real conscious effort to eat a healthy, balanced diet. Sweet pickles may be my guilty pleasure, but at 30 calories a serving, I'm pretty sure there are far worse things...JOSH! He's going to gain my weight for me. What a sweet boy!!!

Spending the day in the car with me=Josh's own personal hell

Josh didn't have school today and just had a few things to do, so I thought it would be fun just to go get my patients seen and his errands run together. Worst idea I've had in a while. Apparently I am more emotional than my standard "roller coaster ride" Josh is always on being married to me. I couldn't get a phone call, or an email without getting emotionally charged from it. I think his favorite thing to say to me when I'm not pregnant is, "Just relax", but now that things are a little different for me I want to chew out his jugular vein and consume his heart...wow, yep, that's what I meant to say. He thinks I'm really, really stressed because I have a little more emotion behind my words and because I'm reacting in a different manner than I normally would and that stresses him out and that's when I get stressed...and talk about emotional. It's like a 2 year old child that gets over tired and doesn't have the words to express his frustrations so all he is left with is screaming, crying, sniffling ball of 30 year-old, slap your face, get it together bitch, kind of scene...hey, let's do it again tomorrow!!!

"Yogi" time

Today I started doing my wii fit yoga exercises. About 30 minutes a day is all I'm doing right now. There are a few really good sites that are dedicated to pregnancy specific yoga poses, but the wii isn't that specific. It's important to me that I keep what flexibility I have left. I don't want to put on a ton of pregnancy weight and not be able to continue to do the things I want to do. I think I'm going to miss getting on my bike with my hubby the most...even though we haven't done that in about a month or so, I know that when I'm unable to, will be when I really get the itch to ride. I'll find other things to do I'm sure. Anyone want to paint?

Myspace, Facebook, Twitter...

I just want to put it out there, that I HATE these social networking sites. I am completely happy to be closely intertwined with 5 people...but there are those days that I "run into" people and even family that I haven't talked to or seen in a million years. Recently I found my cousin...the only cousin I really had while I lived in Oklahoma...she was like my best friend...I'm not sure how we ever lost contact, but it happened and we haven't seen each other since Ebaneezer was a little squanch. I'm so excited to catch up and hopefully get to see her soon. So for that, facebook, I salute you...

Big brother pillow

Evan absolutely fell in love with my pregnancy pillow I made and it was hard for me to use it because he's a little hoglet. So, we had sewn another cover for the preggy pillow and Evan watched me use the sewing machine and just thought that was the coolest. As soon as I realized he loved the pillow I planned on making him a similar one for him to cuddle up with. Instead of the field goal shape his is an L shape. He helped make the whole thing, thinking we were making another cover and when we finished it all up I handed it to him and told him it was his big brother pillow. The look on his face was just sweetness. He said, "Oh, mommy! For me? Thank you", and he gave me the sweetest hug. That's something I'll always remember and I think it helps him feel like he is just as special as hairy is.

Hairy, how could you!?!

Pregnancy comes with a multitude of symptoms, frequent urination, nausea and vomitting, constipation, fatigue, and apparently increased stupidity. My job allows me to sleep late, work a few hours, go home and nap, and then out to see 2 patients around 3:45. Well, that's what I did today. Got up from my nap and talked to Evan about school then I was out the door. Luckily my first patient has a giant glass door so I could see my reflection because I had put my scrub pants on inside out and my pockets were just a swingin'. So embarrassing. I politely excused myself and had to go giggle a minute. Jeez, Hairy...thanks for havin my back!

Give me dentures or give me death!!!!

I've always wondered why I see fairly young people, generally on COPS, missing ALL of the their teeth...besides years and years of heavy drug use, of course. Well, I'm about to pull all of my teeth from my head without a second thought! I tried to call my dentist Monday for an emergency appointment and never heard anything back. I kept taking my beloved ibuprofen, 600-800mg twice a day with exceptional relief...until I started to get a little concerned that maybe ibuprofen isn't safe to take with pregnancy. I'm not an ob/gyn nurse and I don't remember ever learning anything about ibuprofen or really any meds while I was pregnant with Ebaneezer or even in nursing school. So, I called into my Dr. and was told to stop taking the ibuprofen immediately and to take tylenol instead. Ok, no big deal...WRONG!!! I have to take 500 mg every 2 hours to keep my whole left side of my cranium from aching and throbbing! I went to bed tonight at midnight, and here I am at 2am awake and just miserable. I know I can take more than 500 mg at a time, but I've never been a big fan of it's effects on the liver, and even though ibuprofen can cause stomach issues I'd have taken the chance, but it isn't worth the risk to the baby. I need to get into see my dentist...or I'm gonna break in to his office, and do some freelance dental work on myself!!! I've never known pain like this...excluding birth of course. I'm gonna try to sleep.

Round of applause for Barbara and Campbell!!!

So, for all of you doubters out there, my friend Barbara and her gorgeous baby girl, Campbell sent me a link that I think everyone should take a look at. www.jilliansdrawers.com There is some really good info and tons of things to keep me up until midnight...even though I've been dragging for hours now. She also sent me another link to www.pinstripesandpolkadots.com ...lots of cute products to see. I'm going to bed...my preggy pillow is calling for me.

Cloth Nappies

The other day Josh and I were talking general baby stuff when the subject of diapers came up. I asked him about using cloth diapers and was immediately given, "Hell no"! Well that wasn't berry nice! I told him that I had wanted to do that with Evan, but was young and scared to do something everyone else scoffed at. Besides, I don't think I had a washer and dryer at that time and couldn't afford a diaper service had one been available to me. Disposables it was. I guess they never considered cloth for Eve or perhaps felt the same as I did, or shared similar circumstances, so you tend to go with what you know. Well, if you know me, you know that I grow a veggie garden in the spring and fall, have a compost bin, would love to collect rainwater (but am waiting on gutters), and have an earth friendly dog poop composter to eliminate my dog's poop heading to local landfills. I WANT to make small changes to do my part in helping out the earth and environment and I'm not above getting a little bit dirty to do so. So, after talking to a girlfriend of mine who's had 6 babies herself, and who raved about the benefit of cloth vs. disposables, I was back on the crappy nappy train. I talked to Josh a little bit more about the benefits and my girlfriend even gave him some insight that I think may have helped him see that it isn't such a chore, they allow breathe-ability to baby's skin, and in the end we won't feel bad about dumping a ton of baby poop and diapers into landfills. I'm also pretty confident I can manage doing a load of baby poo diapers every 2 days without feeling taxed or overwhelmed and if I can't I know 3 other people in this family who can load a washing machine like a pro! "Wash and fold hoochie coo"...I crack myself up at 6:30 in the morning...

You'll love my nuts

I went a little crazy last night before I went to bed and I made a pregnancy pillow. I wasn't about to spend $70-100 on a deformed pillow...I have friends and family that would slap my hand for some shit like that! Anyways, wowwwww! Can I just say this is the most amazing field goal shaped cuddler I've ever had the pleasure of spooning?! Honest to blog. Love it! It kept me still and comfortable and supported my neck at all times. Why do I feel like the shamwow geek right now? "You'll love my nuts".

There's so much to do!

So, I never truly thought Josh and I would ever be in this position...I thought we'd have lots and lots of boston terriers! We were well on our way, let me tell you! Our den, which I love, is going to become our nursery and its kind of exciting to take on that task. We are going to take two of our floor to ceiling bookshelves and put them in our bedroom along with the chocolate brown chaise lounge and coffee table so I'll have a nursing station in our bedroom. The other floor to ceiling bookshelf will go into the living room and the asian inspired entertainment armoire will go into my room as well. Our armoire in our room we are going to repurpose as a wardrobe for hairy. God that seems like a job, but that's only the beginning. Then there's installing doors in the den and enclosing the kitchen entry. I'm not going to repaint the den, I like the neutral yellow color we painted it last year. My bedroom needs to be repainted...I hate the orange I chose, I hated it the first day and hoped it would grow on me, but nope...still hate it! Let's see, what else is there to do? I've lost track. Josh is on board so that's going to be helpful. This is so much different than it was 10 years ago. Thankfully.

Best sleep since we got the news...

I've had a bad tooth for a while now, but it just keeps getting worse...it's time to suck it up and go see my dentist. You remember Steve Martin's character from Little Shop of Horrors? I love that movie...anyways, my dentist is nothing like him, or I don't think he'd still be in practice, but I HATE going to see him!!! No choice in the matter now. So, anyways, after taking some ibuprofen last night I was finally able to sleep. Not just sleep, but really get in there and roll around in my own skin and swim through my thoughts. I dreamt last night about Eve's mom. Nothing bad about it...it was she and I on a bus going to help a patient who was a hoarder. We talked about music, the kids, josh, and just life in general. It really was a pleasant experience. We have a lot in common, in my dreams anyways. I wish things were different with that whole situation. I wish Eve's parentals could be friends the way that Brooks, Monica, Josh, and I are. I know it puts Eve at a disadvantage and even makes her jealous of Evan because Brooks and I have remained friends through the years. I wish I could change it for her, for them, for us. They're good people and have their family's best interest at heart and you can't fault people for that, I just wish forgiveness and healing could come to the situation. I just can't believe I've already started the bizarre dreams. One night I taught Eve ballet, another Josh was a cross dresser caught in a hostage situation, another I had triplets...these next 9 months are going to make me feel bat-shit crazy with all my deep, dark, suppressed and subconscious thoughts. Let the ride begin!